I Am Not Yours
by Silver-Serval
Summary: I am not yours, not lost in you. Not lost, although I long to be. Implied one-sided CainxRiff, slight shonen-ai.


_I Am Not Yours_

Disclaimer: I don't own Godchild. Kaori Yuki has that honor. I don't own the poem - that belongs solely to Sara Teasdale.

Summary: I am not yours, not lost in you. Not lost, although I long to be. Implied CainxRiff, slight shonen-ai.

Author's Note: I love this pairing. And I adore this song. This poem, as I'm too tired to try and plot out the Alto part from when we sang this song, is what the story is set to. If you'd like to hear this song, please message me or say so in your review. I'll send a link your way. (It's beautiful, believe me.)

—

Cain C. Hargreaves sighed softly, his cursed golden eyes staring blankly through the tinted glass of his bedroom window. This place, his room, was his sole escape from a hellish reality.

Riff had left him. Riff had abandoned him. Riff had _betrayed _him. And somehow, Cain was suddenly okay with that.

Though their relationship of master and servant would never be anything but that, Cain had longed for so many things that shouldn't have been within his reach. It was just like his father to seize an opportunity to make God's accursed child suffer.

Cain no longer knew whether he belonged to Riff or if Riff had belonged to him. But no matter. Cain had _wanted_ to be Riff's, to be lost within him.

But, again, the impossible. With Riff gone, Cain no longer had that chance. It had been fleeting, and Cain had obviously struck and missed.

But that was okay with him.

"Riff, if you betray me, I will go and die." 

Death had stalked him for so long, the joke was getting old. And now, finally, when he was willing to embrace the grim figure's chilling bones, that reaper was nowhere to be found. Apparently, being lost within someone's unrequited love was worse than death itself.

Oh, the ironies of that statement.

But it was true. Cain was lost. He was like a candle's weak light as it was consumed by noontime's viciously consuming daylight.

He was a snowflake, frozen and unreachable, as he fell and melted into the salt of the sea.

Yes. Earl Cain C. Hargreaves, the Earl of Poisons, was lost.

And he was okay with that.

I am not yours, not lost in you,  
Not lost, although I long to be  
Lost as a candle lit at noon,  
Lost as a snowflake in the sea.

Their love, if any, had been mutual in only the manner of friendship... If there was ever such a thing between master and servant. Could such a relationship exist?

Probably not.

But Cain hoped that it had. And that was all that mattered, in his opinion.

And even though Riff was gone, Cain couldn't stop himself from comparing Riff to the sun and stars, the beauty that lit both day and night. And Cain didn't want to stop himself.

Why?

Because he was lost. Cain was a light that had been lost in another all-consuming light. Cain? Cain was the moon.

You see, the sun and moon are polar opposites. One is bright, soft, warm. The other is dark, chilling, and untouchable.

And as the moon pulls the tides along like they were on a leash, the stars themselves can band together and be a brighter luminescence than the sun itself.

But that's when the trail of thought freezes.

Can a person outshine themself?

Perhaps.

Perhaps not.

But he was still okay with Riff being gone.

You love me, and I find you still  
A spirit beautiful and bright,  
Yet I am I, who long to be  
Lost as a light is lost in light.

It was a poison that was charging mindlessly through his veins.

This, this _love_, was more deadly a poison than anything Cain had ever encountered in his studies or research. And it was more addicting than morphine or any other pain killer combined.

This _love_ burned his insides, and left him begging for anything to make it stop. Anything to make Riff return to them, to him.

They could take his sense of hearing, and though he'd never hear the older man whisper those soft words into his ear upon his return, Cain would still be able to read his lips. _I love you, too._

Cain would still be able to touch the smooth skin that made up the older man's pale, pale face, the blue hair that shone like the sky in the right candle light.

Cain would still be able to murmur back his own testimony of love.

And with his sight preserved, he'd still be able to see his beloved's beauty.

Perhaps take his sight, instead. Leave him blind to the most romantic gestures.

After all, isn't love blind?

And Cain was totally okay with that notion.

As long as they were together, things would be okay. They always were. All those countless times where Cain had been in a coffin's worth of trouble, Riff had always leapt in – just in time – to save the day. As always.

And Mary Weather would always agree that this is where the heart was. This was home.

And though Riff was now on DELILAH's side, their ace card against the Card Master's loathsome son, Cain was okay with that.

Someday, Riff would realize that this was his home.

"Riff, if you betray me, I will go and die." 

But Cain didn't die. He couldn't die with the prospect that Riff would return.

And he couldn't bear to think that he wouldn't. Riff was his, and him Riff's. Even if only in the way of Master and servant.

But his love, the smiles that brightened Cain's dark, dreary days, they were the strongest tempest. And Cain was fading away in the promise of that gentle love.

Mary Weather was worried about him. They all were, including that rat, Oscar. Everyone was worried that he would finally snap and lose whatever sense he still had.

But he was totally okay with that.

As long as he had hope, Riff would return.

Oh plunge me deep in love - put out  
My senses, leave me deaf and blind,  
Swept by the tempest of your love,  
A taper in a rushing wind. 

After all, Cain was but a mere child in an man's body.

That child was innocent, that child was... And he was slowly losing his grip.

Riff...

Someday he would return. And with him, Cain would too.

Maybe.

Maybe not.

After all...

This was a sin.

And though Cain wouldn't care, if he had the choice, he knew that he couldn't ruin Riff's wings.

And so, in a way, Cain was okay.

He was totally okay.

Because love is blind.

Because he was young enough to hope that things could change.

Because in reality, he wasn't okay. And he didn't care.

"You are the only one in this world…who can touch my scars…Riff." 

But day-by-day, those scars grow, and he becomes a little more tainted.

"I am not yours, not lost in you. Not lost, although I long to be."

There was a moment of silence as Cain C. Hargreaves sighed, his cursed golden eyes staring blankly out the tinted glass of his bedroom window

"I've gone to hell alone, then..."

* * *

Author's Note: 

Silver: Wow... That was..  
Mary: Morbid.  
Riff: Yeah.  
Cain: Ummm, I think I was Out of Character.  
Silver: Cain, hush.  
Snowkit: I think it sucked.  
All: O.O ::gasp!::  
Silver: Snowkit!  
Snowkit: Yes! It is I! Snowkit!!  
Mary: ... ::whispers to Silver:: I don't like him.  
Silver: -.-; ::whispers to Mary:: I know.  
Cain: So, wait... Who's Snowkit?  
Silver: He was one of my favorite characters from the Warriors series. And then he died, so then I revived him. He was nice for one day, then his warranty expired and he became all mean and stuff.  
Cain: Ahh. That explains things. How'd you get rid of him last time?  
Silver: Threatened him with you and Riff, I think.  
Riff: ... Shall I get rid of him, my lady?  
Silver: ... Sure. o.o Have fun.  
Riff: YAY::eats Snowkit::  
Cain and Silver: ... Wtf.  
Mary: OMG! Do it again!!  
Silver: Uhmmm... ::sweatdrop::  
Cain: That was really random.  
Silver: And you said _you_ were out of character!

* * *

"Agent Silver, signing out."  
March 09, 2008, at 5:15 PM.  
5 Pages, 1403 Words


End file.
